I used to think commonality was the key to a lasting friendship. I believed that some how “like” interests were a sort of permabond adhesive that nothing could dissolve. Granted many times similar interests are what attract us to another person but being able to reveal your true self with no judgement is really important for longevity. Relationships are so complex and those that stand the test of time don’t happen magically.
In my many years on the planet I have had my ration of break ups, and they are never easy, especially if you are the break-up-ee as opposed to the break-up-or. All breakups are difficult whether it is a lover, husband, friend, or sometimes even a family member. No one likes to feel rejected, and most of the time regardless of the reason someone walks away feeling this way.
I will soon celebrate 24 years of marriage on July 23, I have been married long enough to witness many divorces, engagements, marriages, long term dating situations, 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriages, a few “love at first sight”, online dating unions, some successful blind dates, and some awful breakups. For me time was always the best healer of a broken heart, moving forward and remembering the good experiences that brought you together, instead of focusing on the negative factors and trying to figure out the “why”. My marriage is constantly shifting, every 5 or so years our family dynamic changes, a child goes away to school, a child comes back home, career change, financial problems, extended family situations, health challenges, menopause, man-o-pause, any given period some challenge presents itself and we have to work together to find a solution.
I read this piece “Break Ups” on Cindy Fernandez’s blog. In the piece there is a passage by Oriah Mountain Dreamer that really spoke to me. The author says:
“I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it. “
Read the entire piece here.
I have so much admiration for Cindy, whom I met a couple of years ago, she changed my yoga “relationship”, transformed it from an occasional workout to a lifestyle. I was enlightnened, humbled, inspired and most of all challenged, all at the same time. I always left her class in a state of pure bliss, “open to infinite possibilities”. I miss her so much. My yoga journey is still in its infancy stage, I enjoy my tiny breakthroughs here and there.
She has since relocated to San Francisco, spreading her yoga love all over the bay area, check out her schedule here.
What’s your take on friendships? Breakups?