A month ago we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary, definitely a milestone for us. This past weekend my in-laws celebrated their 90th birthdays and 71 years of marriage.
When my mother-n-law was my age they had already be married 36 years! We’re at an age where we are now going to weddings of our friends children, while at the same time many long term marriages are dissolving.
My in-laws got married when they were 19, when I think about my early relationships I know I would have had a least 1 maybe 2 divorces under my belt by now. Being a late bloomer, I had no clue what I even wanted in a relationship or partner, but somehow I knew that some of the choices I had made were wrong on so many different levels. At 30 I was certainly not the 20 something year old going in a million different directions, being the “pleaser” in one sided relationships. I had gained the confidence to know I was a “prize” and did not have to settle, just because…
Doing the math I don’t think we will be around to celebrate 70 years, but I will embrace each day like it is our last.
I was in awe of my in-laws and their lasting love–something that is becoming so rare. Check out this short clip of my father-n-law’s tribute to his wife.
Marriage like any other relationships take work, you have to be an active participant and make things happen. You and your partner have to be willing to change and grow and continue to accept one another, be honest, and most of all be willing to forgive. Any one who has been married a long time has experienced “rough patches”, but the key is being able smooth them out. You have to understand who this person is you married…and not try and transform them to who you didn’t marry. You have to know what is worth fighting about and when to just “shut up”.
For example I LOVE to TRAVEL, if I were to wait on my husband to plan a trip we would not go anywhere, but since I know that I make sure I am proactive and plan things. I did not marry the person who is going to surprise me and whisk me away to an exotic location, and that is okay.
I also know that some marriages end. Some are impossible, just BIG mistakes. I came from a broken family and now that I am an adult, I see clearly why my parents could have never stayed married–sad but true. I am grateful that my mom was able to relocate with 4 kids to California and start a new life.
Every marriage is different and each one has a different formula to keep it going. My humble advice is to always work on “self” being the best “you”, stay “market” ready, be interesting and continue to grow, be in tune with your partner, keep it “sexy”, know that it is okay if you give more sometimes and lastly always make time for each other.
Have a wonderful weekend, we will be heading to Temecula for a wedding (daughter of one of our dear friends).